Tags: Honesty Zone Mama Milestones Mom of Boys Surviving Summer Utilizing the Library
I know I go on a bit about my sister, but she really is an incredible mother. One thing I’ve always admired about her is how well she deals with the everyday messes that come with parenting. One of the girls would accidentally spill or break something and right away she’s telling them “It’s ok.” “No big deal.” “It was an accident.” Over the years I’ve seen too many parents fly off the handle and scold their kids. Those kids end up freaking out or having complete meltdowns when they have accidents because they fear their parent’s reaction. Watching kids react that way, or worse, shrink back in fear, just eats me up. But I never once saw my sister get mad in these situations.
Fast forward a few years and she’s still calm and collected when my little ones make an accidental mess at her house. I’m over here cringing because Liev just dropped a cupcake—frosting side down—on her living room carpet, and, like one of the magic fairies in Sleeping Beauty, she just swoops in, cleans up and hands him a brand-new cupcake. The picture of “calm & collected.” On a side note: she always seems to have cupcakes on her person…it’s like she’s a human cupcake ATM.
Because of her constant calmness in these situations, her girls are always calm. They simply inform her of what’s happened and work with her to clean up the problem. Smooth and seamless…in a matter of minutes the issue’s been resolved and cleaned up—no harm, no foul.
Now to reiterate, we’re talking about ACCIDENTAL messes here. I can’t imagine she’d keep completely calm if the girls started a food fight in her dining room!
Because I was always amazed at how calmly she handled messes and accidents, I told myself I’d be just like her when I became a mother, and I try SO HARD to keep that same calm demeanor when the boys make messes or break things.
When I succeed in keeping my cool in these situations, I notice that they also remain calm, and they aren’t afraid of my reaction. But I must admit, I’m not always successful. I can remember one particularly rough morning about a year ago. Silas was a newborn and being super fussy. Liev was grumpy from lack of sleep the night before, and I was stressed to the max. I was trying to clean up Liev after breakfast (somehow he had gotten oatmeal all over his hands and then decided to run his hands through his hair) and he was pitching a fit. In the process of flailing his arms in protest, he knocked over his cup and spilled milk all over the floor. I snapped at him! He recoiled, his little face fell, and he immediately said, “I’m sorry, Mama” in the smallest little mouse voice I’ve ever heard. Talk about feeling like crap. I scooped him up, squeezed him tight and apologized for my reaction. Then I very calmly explained why I was so frustrated. I grabbed two wash cloths and had him help me clean up the spilt milk (no use crying over it right? Haha #dadjoke). I’m not naïve enough to believe I’ll never snap at my kids again, but I work diligently EVERYDAY to keep my reactions in check.
I imagine food messes are a common fear for moms. If the wrong food item hits the floor—say a plate of pancakes with syrup—you don’t have a mess, you have a MESS! There’s a difference. Some things are harder to clean up than others. But my phobia of messes doesn’t end with food, however, it follows me everywhere I go. Sometimes my fear of messes affects fun stuff like crafting.
I love crafting and I always knew I wanted to instill that same love in my kids. Yet, when it came down to it, I had a bad habit of “helicopter parenting” craft time. If glitter was needed, I’d step in and “help”. If Liev was painting and his brush wandered off the page, I’d instantly rush in to correct. I struggle with this something fierce. I want my boys to feel the freedom to make mistakes and learn how to create through art, but if I always step in as “mess monitor” I fear that they’ll develop my same mess phobia. Funny thing is, it’s not like we live at Buckingham Palace. My house may be clean, but it’s far from tidy so why I would have such issues with mess is beyond me.
And I buy washable EVERYTHING! There are zero “non-washable” products in their craft bin. If paint spills or splatters, it wipes right up. If a marker wonders off the page and leave a mark on something, it washes off. If glitter spills, I vacuum. There’s really no reason for my paranoia; yet, craft time starts and I’m basically building whatever the project is because I’m too afraid of a mess to let Liev use the glue on his own. Craft time turns into “watch Mama build the plane and then guide your hand while you paint” time. Pathetic!
This is all the more important because we’re stuck indoors all summer. Summers in Las Vegas are brutal! We’re stuck indoors from beginning of May to end of September. Any activity outside the house MUST be indoors, but how often can you go to the library or mall before it’s lost its appeal? I figured out very quickly that we needed to learn how to have fun at home as well, or this summer was going to be the death of us. A few months back I pulled out the craft bin and told Liev to pick out anything he wanted to do and he chose paints. I got him all set up at the dining table and he set off making his masterpiece. Just two or three minutes in, he started being a little careless, and I instantly stepped in with a correction. And just like that, he lost all interest in painting. I killed it! I sucked all the fun out of craft time. It was terrible.
I beat myself up for a couple of days and then decided it was time to try again. I had a long talk with myself and let myself know that any mess that might come out of this painting project could easily be cleaned up. I was going to be OK because the paint was washable. I’m laughing at myself while I type this out because I KNOW how insane this makes me sound. After my pep talk, I set everything out and set him loose to paint his little heart out. Again, he got a little careless or wasn’t paying close enough attention, but instead of correcting it, I let it play out. I even sat down and joined in. An hour later, there was a masterpiece on the paper and on the dining table, but he was so proud of his painting! We hung it on the fridge for Daddy to check out after work. I took him to the bathroom to wash his hands (arms, legs, face and neck too), changed his clothes, and sent him off to play with toys. I then preceded to clean table. The paint came right off, and the dining table was paint free in all of five minutes. No harm, no foul. I was proud of his beautiful painting and proud of myself. I had successfully had a painting session with Liev without being a complete buzz-kill.
A few weeks later, we decided to have a build-your-own-pizza night at the house. We picked up some dough and all the “fixins” at Trader Joes and headed home to make some pizza magic. Adrian was SO INTO this idea that he pulled up a couple YouTube videos so that he and Liev could learn how to properly roll out the dough and toss it in the air like the old Italian grandfathers that do it in Italy. Adrian always says you know the pizza’s good when the chef isn’t afraid to get his big hairy forearms in the pizza dough…he paints quite a picture doesn’t he? Anyway…they’ve watched a few videos and are now YouTube certified to roll out authentic dough for our pizzas. Flour gets sprinkled on the counter (and a little on the floor)—I cringe—but remind myself that they’re making memories. Bits of dough then began to soar all over the kitchen—I take a step forward to “correct”, freeze, turn around and get the camera instead. Our first build-your-own-pizza night was a HUGE success. Liev had such an incredible time. He ended up talking about it all week, so we decided to do it again the following weekend. Again, I was proud of myself. I almost stepped in to bring unnecessary structure to the evening but stopped and reminded myself that messes are more than ok when you’re making memories.
I haven’t been a mother long—Liev’s only three—but I learned VERY early on that kids are just little mess bombs waiting to explode all over the place. I’ve also learned that watching my boys create memories and have sticky, messy, floury fun brings me too much joy to care about the mess being made. If you’re a Zen master mom like my sister, congratulations. Never take that calmness for granted—it truly is a gift. But if you’re like me, just keep reminding yourself that messes are a part of raising kids, messes often time come with creating memories, and messes are ALWAYS able to be cleaned up.
**NOTE: We’ve decided to tackle homemade sugar cookies complete with DIY decorations next…please keep me in your prayers! Haha
