Tags: Dog Mom Honesty Zone Mama Milestones Mom of Boys motherhood
I celebrated my birthday last month. Thirty’s in the rear view mirror, forty’s on the horizon. And oddly enough I’m only panicking slightly. Everyone says this, but it’s true, I really don’t feel like I should be approaching forty. I feel too young to even be thinking about it. Although it only requires a look in the mirror to confirm this fact. The wrinkles are creeping in, and the grays are getting harder and harder to pass off as golden highlights. Oh, let’s be real…I’m freaking out!!! If you don’t celebrate your 40th birthday, do you still technically turn 40? (Asking for a friend)
Each year, as my birthday rolls around, I like to take time to reevaluate my life’s priorities and goals.
Before my boys came along, I was so good at self-maintenance. That’s such a weird word, but it’s exactly what we do, right? We go to annual check-ups, take nightly vitamins, and eat kale by the bunch to maintain optimum health. We spend way too much money on skin care products, sunscreen and facials to protect our skin (let’s be real, to stave off the appearance of age), and we kill ourselves running from yoga to cycle class in order to keep in shape. We do all these things in the name of “self-maintenance” and I was the queen of self-maintenance until my boys changed my priorities.
First it was skipped nightly skin routines, then it
was no more pedicures and pretty soon I was living on prayers and dry shampoo!
Not the glamorous mom life I’d dreamed about and a VERY bad habit for a mama to
fall into. I made a promise to myself about a year ago that I wouldn’t do that
anymore. My children will always come first for me, but they don’t need to
consume my entire life to the point where I’m breaking down both physically and
mentally.
It’s no wonder why flight attendants instruct you to put on your oxygen mask
first in the event of an emergency. An unconscious mother can’t help her kids!
In this case, an unhealthy mother can’t do it either, especially when the
health problems-mental or physical-become serious.
Taking Care of Mama’s Physical Health
When I found out I was pregnant with Silas I immediately set up an appointment with my OB-GYN. She examined me, did the ultrasound and gave me my due date—just a run-of-the-mill first prenatal appointment. We were just wrapping up when she stopped and told me she noticed my thyroid seemed enlarged. She said it might be nothing, but she wanted me to do some labs and have an ultrasound just to make sure. A few appointments later it was confirmed that there was a mass on the left side of my thyroid. It was HUGE! The endocrinologist I saw during my pregnancy couldn’t believe the sheer size of it and how I went so long without noticing it. Of course, now that it had been pointed out to me, I felt like I had a soccer ball coming out of my neck…I was so self-conscience about it. But I couldn’t be put under to have it removed until after the pregnancy, so I waited.
After Silas was born, I immediately called to schedule my thyroid surgery. But my endocrinologist suggested I wait a few weeks to recover from the pregnancy. As fate would have it, Adrian got offered a job in Vegas and we moved when Silas was just two months. That meant my surgery had to be pushed back again—I needed time to get us all settled and moved in before trying to find a new endocrinologist. One month turned into five months and five months turned into eight months. A year and a half after that first prenatal visit I finally got around to scheduling the surgery. The mass had grown so large it had started to push down on my trachea, making breathing difficult any time I lay down.
Funny thing is during that year and a half, while I couldn’t seem to find the time to take care of my health, I managed to care for Adrian when he got shingles and Liev when he got a minor case of chicken pox (he was already vaccinated). And I ensured both boys didn’t miss any of their routine check-ups or dental appointments. Isn’t that amazing?! I have a mass crushing my trachea but there’s no time to take care of that, I need to get Liev’s teeth cleaned!
Talk about a life lesson.
Taking Care of Mama’s Mental Health
Parenting’s the hardest job in the world! Not only can
it impact your physical health, it can take its toll on your mental health too.
As a stay-at-home mom, I’m with these little rug-rats 24/7. By the time 7:45
p.m. rolls around, I can’t get these boys to bed–teeth brushed, stories read,
and prayers said–fast enough. I thank God every day for Adrian. He comes home
and is SO MUCH HELP. He plays with the boys while I prepare meals, and we tag
team bath time and bedtime (which is a huge load lifted). But by the end of the
day I’m exhausted! Most nights I come downstairs and collapse on the couch. The
living room gradually darkens, and I don’t bother getting up to turn on the
lights until Sam comes over and rests his furry little chin on my thigh—time to
take care of my furry baby now.
By the time Silas turned one I realized I’d fallen into a pattern of taking
care of everyone but me. Before I became mama, I had hobbies and other
enjoyments: I loved writing, crafting, reading, taking looooooong baths. But I
hadn’t done any of those things in a year (or longer). It was time for a
change. I refused to accept the notion that being a mama meant I’d forfeit all
other personal joys.
I started this blog so I could get back to writing, I started incorporating
little diy crafting posts to feed the craft craving, and I started taking
loooooooong baths again (with a book in hand). Those moments when I’m writing
or relaxing in the bath are my ways of recharging my batteries. I started to
notice it even helped me be a better mama and a better wife when I had taken
time out for me. I had a longer fuse with the kids, and I found joy in running
the house again.
Taking Care of Mama’s Overall Health
My thyroid issue was a mere pin prick in my overall
health concerns. It was diagnosed and removed without complication, thank God.
Now it was my turn to address my health concerns. I wasn’t eating well, I was
heavier than I should’ve been, and I wasn’t getting enough sleep. I decided to
change all of that.
Changing our eating habits (yes, I’m like Abraham. When I make a change, the
entire household participates) was hard at first. Primarily because I needed to
make sure I was still cooking delicious meals. This lifestyle change would
NEVER stick in our house if it was simply exchanging yummy browned butter orzo
for bland steamed veggies. It needed to be exciting.
I hit the library and grabbed every book they had on cooking/eating vegetables
and discovered that vegetables could be fun and delicious. About three weeks
into “The Vegetable Takeover of 2019” we’re eating at least 60% vegetables in
our meals.
Next step was to get back on the exercise wagon. After Liev was born, the weight
just fell off. I think I was smaller the day after he was born than I was
before he was conceived. (And living in a downtown apartment in Norfolk VA and
walking EVERYWHERE probably helped.) Then Silas came along, and it’s been
twenty times harder to lose the baby weight. It might be my age—I know people
say it gets harder the older you get—but I didn’t want to use that excuse. We
bought exercise equipment and I got to work. I’m not where I want to be, but
I’m on my way.
My sleep schedule was another story. My boys are asleep by 8:30 p.m. every
night and awake by 7:30 a.m. each morning (like clockwork!). If I really wanted
to, I could go to bed at 9:00 p.m. to sleep ten hours. Of course, that never
happens. My nightly routine consists of an hour working my bum off on the
elliptical or stationary bike then crashing on the couch to binge Netflix. And
I suppose I could watch just one, maybe two, episodes but I end up burning
through three, sometimes four, and before I know it, it’s well after midnight
and I’m an hour and a half late for my bedtime routine.
To be honest, I’m still working on the sleep one, but I’m improving slowly.
Pretty soon I’ll be snuggled in bed and drifting off to sleep at 11:00 p.m. as
planned.
Putting Mama First
What’s your guilty pleasure? Everyone’s got one no matter what they say to the contrary and mine is skin care products. I spend way too much money on skin care products, but I don’t care! I need them all…like Gollum needed The Ring! There are cleansers, serums, toners, moisturizers, treatments, peels, masks, and the almighty sunscreen. I need them ALL!
I blame my mom for this one. She drilled it into our heads that skincare was next to godliness (for my 21st birthday she bought me a full skincare regimen)—and it wasn’t hard for us to drink the Kool Aide because she has always had incredible skin for her age. While that initial regimen has changed and developed over the years, I thank her for that first introduction into the world of skincare.
Everyone needs a hobby or an enjoyment that’s all their own. Whatever it is, enjoy it…you’ve earned it! As parents we deserve some frivolous “me time” or a third bottle of retinol.
