Tags: Activities for Littles Honesty Zone Mama Milestones Mom of Boys motherhood
I initially sat down to write a post about managing screen time—a little insight into how we monitor and limit TV, tablets and video games with our boys—but I sat with the laptop open for twenty-two minutes and never typed one single word. Silas was napping and Adrian was at work, so Liev was bored, and a bored Liev means a million “what’s this” “what’s that for” and “why” questions that I must answer. He’s a talker. (We blame my mom for this!) You know how some kids chat and chat and all you really have to do is give a little “uh huh” every once in a while? Yeah, that’s not Liev. He wants a proper conversational experience and while I LOVE that about him, sometimes I need a little “uh-huh” time.
Resigning myself to the fact I wasn’t going to get anything done, I shut down the computer, took him to the playroom and pulled out his train bin—we built quite an impressive train track if I do say so myself.
It’s now 8:30 p.m., the boys are upstairs asleep and I’m finally sitting down to write my post. New topic: “Teaching Your Children to Play by Themselves”. (Thank you boys for providing me with endless post topics!)
I’m almost 100% sure that his struggle to play by himself is because he was “Baby No. 1” and had so much of our undivided attention from day one. I also blame Adrian for being too good a dad. He gets home from work and goes straight into Legos or cars or whatever else the boys want to play. Whatever the case, the point is, Liev has a harder time playing by himself.
Now, when Silas is awake those two can play ALL DAY by themselves with no problems. It’s amazing and completely adorable to watch. Sometimes I’ll go sit in the playroom just to watch them play together. But as soon as Silas is napping and mom and dad are occupied, Liev suddenly has nothing to do and he’s bored with all his stuff. This became an issue until I addressed it about five months ago.
Before I go on, I just want to clarify that I don’t expect my kids to play on their own all day long. I’m a hands-on stay-at-home mom. I love playing with them and doing projects with them…that’s one of the reasons I decided to home-school Liev. But I’m also a stay-at-home wife that needs to clean the house and cook meals and do laundry so I need moments during the day when they’re ok in the playroom or with their books and I can get stuff done. And let’s be real…a stay-at-home mom is with her children 24/7 so occasionally, she needs a minute to herself, right?! And a poop break doesn’t really count as a break, because it rarely truly is!
*Funny story relating to that last line: My mom says when I was little, she would try to go potty in peace, but I’d be right outside the door with my fingers under the door asking “how many fingers do you see ?” “How many fingers do you see now?” I’m paying for that now, mom!
Anyway, back to the point…I needed to help him discover the joys of playing alone. I spent some time researching and figuring out the best techniques to use when teaching independent play. I put together an extensive list of tips and tricks. I tried a couple things out and didn’t see results, so I tried a few others. Over the course of two or three months I narrowed down that list based on what was working for us. I’ve broken my list down below.
*IMPORTANT: Always remember that not all kids are the same. What worked for us might not work for you and your little one(s). I’m hoping that my experience and knowledge can be a good jumping off point for you. If it works and I’m a one-stop shop, then great. If not, take my list and add your own additional research to find the perfect solution for your situation.
1. Build a Designated Play Area
It’s soooooooo important for your kids to have a space that’s all theirs, where all their toys are accessible (apart from things that need supervision—paints, Play-Doh, etc.). We’re blessed to have a designated play room now (a formal living room off the family room), but that wasn’t always the case. In Vegas we had a two-bedroom apartment, so Liev’s room doubled as the designated play room; in California we had a shoe box where the “play room” was simply a one corner of our studio apartment. I used a small 3×3 cube storage unit with bins to keep things tidy. My point is you don’t need a 6-bedroom home to create a proper kid-friendly play space. You just need to set aside a small space that can be set up for their things.
2. Demonstrate HOW to Play Independently
This was a great one for us. I would have him choose what he wanted to play—let’s say it was cars—and then I’d play NEXT to him, not WITH him. I would have my cars talk to each other, but not to his cars. I would pull out the Legos and build a garage for my cars or set up roads and city building using blocks. I did anything to encourage imaginative play. Like I said, this one was great for Liev. I started seeing growth not only in his independent play but also his imagination and experimentation when I started doing this. He would watch me and then mimic what I was doing. Pretty soon he was leading the way and I was mimicking him. It was awesome to see.
3. Accept the Mess
I saw a sign on Pinterest one time that said, “don’t mind the mess, we’re creating memories” and thought it would be PERFECT for a play room/area because that’s exactly what happens. I remember walking by the playroom once and finding Liev had emptied ALL the bins and put ALL the toys in piles all over the floor. I was just about to ask him to clean it up when Liev—beaming with pride—informed me that he was a digger and he was scooping dirt and rocks into dump trucks. Basically, he was using his arms as scoopers and scooping the toys back into their bins. I was so proud in that moment, for two reasons: First, I didn’t start lecturing him about unnecessary messes, and, second, because Liev had become so good at independent play he had come up with a very clever game all on his own.
**Pat myself on the back**
4. Have Designated Parent/Kid Play Time
I believe it’s extremely important for kids to be able to play by themselves, but they also need mama/dada play time too. They need that interaction with you that’s more than talking as a family at dinner, chatting while walking around Target, or reading before bedtime (although those things are important). We need to make memories with our kids, memories they’ll look back on and remember fun times when they had our undivided attention.
I have such vivid memories of going to my Grandma’s house after school and playing Play-Doh with her. It was HOMEMADE Play-Doh (I better say “clay” to avoid a lawsuit) we could eat—don’t ask me how she did it because I don’t have a clue. I think she used pancake batter because every time I make pancakes, the smell of the batter takes me right back to her living room—and she made different colors and everything. It was amazing! But I can see her in my mind so clearly and I can even remember some of the things she built with the clay. Those afternoons are some of my favorite memories and I think it’s because I had her undivided attention. It was just me and Grandma.
Another benefit to this designated time is that it teaches them about time limits and schedules. We always start play time by explaining that we’ll play for this or that set amount of time, usually 45-60 minutes. We started using a timer (since he can’t tell time yet) and when the timer goes off, he knows that this specific block of playtime is done. We tend to break up play times throughout the day. It makes the our work-life balance more manageable and re-enforces independent play.
I hope this helps someone. It was a huge breakthrough for us because we were going nuts trying to keep him entertained and still fulfill our other responsibilities. This was a lesson he HAD to learn for OUR sanity. Now, I know there are going to be days (like today) when he’s just bored and needs someone to play with and that’s totally fine. Honestly, I don’t mind it most days because I know his wanting to play with Mama will be short lived and soon enough I’ll be knocking at his bedroom door asking him if he wants to play with ME. Yeah, I’ll take all the play time I can manage and I’ll enjoy every minute of it while I’m still “fun” in his eyes.
